Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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