She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
