She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
