I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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