I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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