True but thats because hes a fetus.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
