last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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