ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
