my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
