Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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