after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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