since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
