Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
