fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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