Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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