Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
