Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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