so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
