I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
