i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
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