Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
