I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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