R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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