actually, I'm a sock model
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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