I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
