I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
