I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
