You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
