what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
