I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
