One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
