So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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