Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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