Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
