I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
