Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
that may or may not have been my penis.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize