i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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