i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize