Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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