Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
