Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
