is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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