I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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