I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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