I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
MIDGETS
????
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
