You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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