i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
