There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I met the friendliest cop last night
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Boobs are out for the taking
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
