i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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