guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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