It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
