16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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