ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
