I cannot find my penis.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Randomize
