Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
