Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
