i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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