I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
