Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
