I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
