Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
