i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
