Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
