I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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