I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
