I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My life is pants optional.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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