weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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