This is not my ceiling
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So much rum. So many feels.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
