time to smoke my breakfast
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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