And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
