white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
