meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I cockslap morals
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
