He kissed a someone with a penis
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize