You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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