Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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