shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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