Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
