glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
