I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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