i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
