I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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