Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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