Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
