She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
