I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
