I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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