You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize