just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
