When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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