What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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