But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
It's just like the Real World with babies
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize