You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
