you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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