He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
