i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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