sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
