this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The power of my boobs compel you
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
