so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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