Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
