After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
