dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Randomize
