I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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