At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
